


Shadows and Regrets

by tauntaun_rider



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I don't know how to tag properly, Imperial Agent Storyline Spoilers, Star Wars: The Old Republic - Shadow of Revan, Theron's POV gives it a mystery vibe, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 00:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20200537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tauntaun_rider/pseuds/tauntaun_rider
Summary: After the ghost agent formerly known as Cipher Nine witnesses the aftermath of Theron Shan's arranged capture and subsequent torture on Rishi, she is forced to reflect upon her past. She can live with most of her decisions and their consequences, but one decision in particular continues to haunt her long after the fact. She decides to risk everything to ease her conscience, but will her plan work? And more importantly, will the person that she's chosen to help follow through?Set near the end of the Shadow of Revan expansion and before Ziost. Spoilers for Imperial Agent storyline.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This switches between the perspectives of my light side Imperial Agent, Rae, and Theron. I wasn't originally intending on so much of it being in Theron's POV, but I liked how it was flowing. So, here we are.

_ This is too risky. This can only backfire. You'll end up with a blaster hole in your head. At best. _

Rae bit her lip and looked down at the letter she had been writing and rewriting on her datapad during her free time over the last few evenings. Everything she had experienced since initially joining Imperial Intelligence brought her to the same conclusion: delivering this letter had the potential to yield catastrophic results. Not just for her, but for her crew and her husband as well.

She glanced over her shoulder at the man peacefully sleeping in the bedroll on the floor of the tent they shared. Rae took in his tousled black hair and the hint of a smile on his lips and couldn’t help but smile herself.

Her husband.

Rae never even considered the possibility of finding someone to love that would love her in return. Being an agent in the shadows ensured that she would be alone. Or so she thought. Vector changed all of that.

There wasn't a single person that she trusted as she trusted him. Vector knew she was working on the letter and who would be its recipient, if all went as planned. He understood it was something she needed to do, or at least try to do, to bring herself some peace. And most importantly, he supported her decision, despite the colossal risk.

Convinced that the letter couldn't be better phrased and willing to accept its consequences, Rae saved the final draft of the letter to the datachip she'd already prepared and turned off her datapad. After sliding it into her duffel bag, she slipped on her boots and stepped out of the tent into the muggy Yavin-4 night. A breeze lifted the wavy, emerald locks that refused to fit in her bun away from her face as it meandered through the makeshift camp.

There was a clear divide between the tents: Republic on the right and Empire on the left. It seemed only fair, as the truce was temporary while the combined forces worked to bring down Revan before he revived the Sith Emperor.

Rae wandered through the camp to the back corner, away from the tension that existed even in slumber. She had come to sit by the pond almost every night since they had arrived on Yavin. Vector had accompanied her a few times, but he seemed to understand that she needed space to break free of the invisible ropes that pulled her in every direction, if only for a little while, and merely held her hand while they sat in silence.

Rae sat on a reasonably flat rock at the water's edge and pulled her knees up to her chest. She laid her forearms on top of her knees and rested her chin on top of the tower of limbs. The letter and its implications kept overpowering any other thoughts she had and thwarted her attempts at meditation.

Her frustration was interrupted by the sound of twigs snapping beneath boots as someone walked toward her cozy nook. Her head lifted off her arms with a jolt as she strained to hear any noises that would identify who it was. Out of habit, she reached down to grab the vibroknife hidden in her boot before mentally chastising herself and putting her arm back on top of her knees.

"Can't sleep either?" Theron asked as he took a seat next to her. His normal faux hawk was a bit misshapen and he still wore his clothes from the previous day.

She nodded, gazing out at the stillness of the water.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"Your hair was kind of glowing in the moonlight," he chuckled.

Rae turned her head towards him and smiled. She thought of their first meeting. Their first verbal communication occurred while she was stuck on a research center on Manaan that was on the verge of being entirely submerged. Theron had directed her via comm to the only remaining emergency pod, while going out of his way to point out that a Pub was saving her life.

After escaping unscathed, Rae and Vector, both still slightly sodden from the ordeal, walked into the hidden base that Lana had procured for their mission to find the new, unlikely allies huddled over a table covered in datapads and sheets of flimsy. Theron said he didn't need to know who she was, but insisted on introducing himself anyway. Rae, both tired of his attitude and in need of a laugh after the near-death experience, made a mildly flirty comment in an attempt to break down his brash exterior. In some strange way, that seemed to decrease some of the early tension between them.

Despite that initial experience, she had every reason not to trust him. After all, her stint as a double agent didn't exactly go smoothly. And he, who she assumed had no knowledge of her past experiences with the SIS, had no reason to trust her either.

Yet somehow, they had forged an unusual bond. Rae initially thought it was a polite courtesy, as they had the same goal of uncovering the Revanites' plot and were in the same line of work. But the more time they spent together on Rishi, the more she got to know him as a person. She was surprised to find that they actually had a lot in common. Just in the first few days alone, she discovered that they both hated undercover work on Nar Shaddaa, they both were uncomfortable with having to use seduction as a means of gathering information in the field, and that they both preferred working alone whenever possible.

They shared some embarrassing stories from being undercover, without the confidential details, of course. Rae shared the story of her first time pretending to be a pirate while on Hutta, while Theron told her about one mission in which he ended up running around an Imperial battle cruiser in his underwear. She had to cover her mouth with both hands to hold in the giggles that threatened to pour out; she didn't want to wake Lana. Rae still distinctly remembered the way Theron's eyes had narrowed at her and how his frown conveyed an impressive amount of disapproval while she shook with barely concealed laughter. After a few moments, however, he lightened up and the frown turned into a vaguely amused, self-deprecating smirk.

She recalled another night when they stayed up late talking about the lives they led. Always working, always keeping a distance from other people, always being on high alert and looking for threats. It was nice to talk to someone who understood; no one else in her life really comprehended the toll it took on her the way he did. She learned a bit about how he ended up in the SIS, and she told a bit of her unusual spy origin story as well. Rae felt rather comfortable talking to him, even though he was supposed to be the enemy. She couldn't help not knowing how to feel about the development; he gave every indication that he was experiencing the exact same flurry of confusing emotions.

Rae turned back toward the pond, once again focused on the present.

"What's keeping you up?" she asked.

"Honestly? Pretty much everything. It's all just hitting me now." Theron paused to readjust his position on the rock. "Rishi... Teaming up with a Sith Lord and an Imperial Cipher... Being tortured by my ancestor... The awkwardness with my mother... It's a lot. And after tomorrow, it'll be over. Win or lose, it'll be over."

Rae nodded.

"I don't blame you for being overwhelmed. This strange journey, full of twists and turns, along with pirates and insane cultists, of course... It's taken us across the galaxy and formed what seemed like an impossible alliance. But here we are."

"Here we are," he echoed.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Theron decided to ask her the same question.

"Regrets," she said as she wrapped her arms around her knees. "Too many."

"What, you're regretting all of this now?" He gestured to the camp behind them. "Wishing you had stayed in the shadows instead of getting wrapped up in this madness?" The small smirk on his lips worked as a way to both lighten the mood and prompt her to share more. Rae was well aware of the tactic being used, but indulged him anyway.

"Actually, no. I don't regret any of this. It's led to some... personal revelations. I've made some interesting acquaintances. One might consider them friends, while the focus is on Revan." Rae glanced over at him to see him listening intently. His eyes were widened a bit in surprise, but he wasn't laughing at her or the way she openly admitted to enjoying the experience, which she found oddly relieving.

"Whatever happens," she said softly, "I'm glad I met you, Theron. And thank you for saving my life on Manaan."

He nodded, his hazel eyes focused on her.

"I'm... glad I met you, too. Can't say I was expecting to get along with you after finding out who you were, let alone stay up at night talking to you," he chuckled quietly to himself. "I guess I should also thank you for helping me get the rest of the way out of Revan's stronghold. And having my back with Lana after all that."

Rae raised an eyebrow at the last part.

"Lokin told me what you said to her while I was out," Theron explained. "How you walked that line on my behalf."

Rae knew exactly what line he was referencing: the line between Force users and Force-blind people, or more specifically, the line between Sith and everyone else beneath them. It was one that she personally never cared for very much.

Rae's gaze intensified and the corners of her lips were tugged downward. She could feel her teeth clenching out of habit.

"She had no right to put you in that position. She has no idea what it's like or what it can do to a person." Rae broke eye contact and looked at her reflection in the pond. Even in the stillness of the water, she looked broken. She bit her lip and tried to get the haunting image of Hunter's sneer out of her mind.

"No, she doesn't. But I appreciate that. She could have gone all Sithy on you, and you still took that risk."

Rae tightened her grip on her knees, her knuckles turning pale with the action.

"Sometimes, risks are necessary. Sometimes, you need to remind yourself what you're fighting for in the first place."

She could feel Theron's eyes on her and knew that he was trying to restrain himself from asking what she meant. Before he could ask, she turned toward him.

"Besides, I think it's clear that people have 'gone all Sithy' on me before," Rae added bitterly as she looked down at the scars visible on her chest in her sleeveless tunic. "Lokin thinks my so-called moral compass is going to get me killed one of these days," she laughed.

Theron's eyes followed hers to the web of violet scars and bits of puckered skin just below her collarbone. He had to have noticed it before; she made no move to cover any of it up while on Rishi. However, she had never talked about it openly until now.

Rae stood up and stretched.

"I'm going to head to bed. You should, too."

"Alright. Night, Rae."

"Goodnight, Theron."

Rae walked back to her tent, let herself back in, and pulled off her boots. She slid into the bedroll next to Vector and nestled into his side, pulling him close with one arm across his chest.

Tomorrow would be a big day, indeed.

* * * * * * * * *

They had done it. Somehow, they had brought down Revan. But in the process, a greater evil had been unleashed. The Emperor had been awakened, full of promises to tear the galaxy apart. That was a problem for another day. Now, it was time for goodbyes.

Theron walked over to the pond beside which Lana and Rae stood, talking quietly.

"So, I guess this is goodbye," Theron said as he rubbed the back of his forearm and shifted from one foot to the other.

"I suppose so," Lana replied. "It's been... an experience, Theron. Be well to yourself."

Under normal circumstances, Rae would have laughed at Lana's awkward comment. But these weren't normal circumstances. Instead, she was fixated on the datachip hidden in one of her many secret jacket pockets that felt like it was physically weighing her down. Rae wanted Lana to leave, but as she couldn't ask her to do so without raising suspicion, she was forced to watch the graceless conversation.

"Yeah... You, too, Lana. Try not to get into too much trouble, alright?" Theron turned to Rae and flashed one of his trademark half-smiles. "Well, it looks like you're finally getting rid of me. How's it feel?"

"I have to admit, I'm going to miss you, Theron." Rae knew that her voice wasn't entirely stable, but hoped that Lana would connect it to the sadness of parting ways, instead of the flurry of emotions that Rae was using every ounce of her training to conceal.

"Same here." Theron's shoulders slumped ever so slightly. "I guess if we ever meet again, it won't be friendly." He paused, taking in the sight of her, post-battle. The green ringlets around her face were slightly damp with sweat and her jacket was singed on one arm where she had been grazed by Revan's lightsaber. Her blue eyes shone with leftover adrenaline. Theron awkwardly cleared his throat to stop himself from staring. "Well, it seems weird to wish you good luck, so, uh, later, Commander." The smirk returned. "See you in the ops reports."

Theron started to walk away when Rae called after him.

"Lana, can we have a moment?" Rae asked. In her peripheral vision, she could see Theron raising an eyebrow, but chose to ignore it.

"Of course. Darth Marr wishes to speak with us both when you're finished," Lana replied, nodding at the pair before leaving them.

Rae leaned around Theron and watched the Sith go, making sure she had left the small clearing near the pond before speaking.

"You okay?" Theron asked almost immediately, concern clear on his face.

She looked down at her boots while she fidgeted with the hem of her jacket.

"I meant what I said last night. I'm glad that this mess brought us together."

Without any warning, Rae took a step toward Theron and pulled him into a tight hug. He froze for a moment before returning the embrace, albeit less intensely than her. He certainly wasn't expecting it, but it wasn't an unwelcome surprise.

Theron belatedly realized that it was more than a regular hug once he started to feel the faint vibrations of frantic whispers against his collarbone. He leaned his head down to hear better.

"...one regret that I can make right. I need to ask a favor of you. I... I need you to deliver something for me. There's no one I can trust to do this. Nod if you can do it."

Theron stiffened and felt his pulse quicken. What was she talking about? Yes, they had bonded, much to both their surprise, over the last few months. But she was still a member of Imperial Intelligence before it had been disbanded and in about an hour, they would be on opposite sides again. What could she possibly need delivered that required help from him, of all people?

Rae must have felt his muscles tensen, as she started whispering into his collarbone again.

"I told you last night that sometimes risks are necessary." He felt his jacket tighten where her hand had clutched some of the fabric. "Please, Theron. Please do this for me."

He felt his head nod before his mind registered the action. 

_ Well, I guess I'm in this now _, Theron thought to himself.

"There's a hidden pocket in the collar of my jacket. When I let go, I'm going to lean back in and give you the greatest kiss of your life. I want you to put your hands in my hair to cover what you're doing and then take the datachip out of my collar. I've left instructions for where to take it, but wait until you're alone to look."

She loosened her grip on his jacket and pulled back.

"Okay," Theron started. "It's a bit cocky to assume it'll be the greatest---"

Rae cut him off with the gentlest brush of her lips to his. He found himself reciprocating without any hesitation, easing into the kiss. Her lips were incredibly soft, even as their pressure intensified. Her arms snaked around him and settled on his back between his jacket and the shirt beneath. She pulled him closer and parted her lips slightly. He felt his heart rate increase as he instinctively nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment, earning an unexpected breathy sigh in response. Theron slipped his tongue between her parted lips and deepened the kiss. His arms reached closer to her neck, not because they was supposed to be finding a hidden pocket, but because it felt natural. His left hand cradled her face while his right took her hair out of its always-present bun. He ran his fingers through the emerald waves just as her hands went beneath his shirt and caressed the toned muscles of his back. Theron groaned as he pulled her even closer, fighting the urge to rip off her jacket. Her grip tightened and he could feel her fingernails leaving indents in his back.

As Theron continued to lose himself in the kiss and in her, images floated before his closed eyes. Rae, standing in the safehouse on Rishi in just a towel, asking him to show her how to work the tiny refresher as she blushed furiously. Rae, laying in her bedroll next to his in the safehouse, wearing thin, loose pajamas that showed everything and nothing at once, exchanging whispered stories of field work mishaps with him. Rae and him, alone after the meeting with Marr and Satele before leaving for Yavin, and that brief moment when her flirting didn't seem like another attempt to fluster him for her own amusement. 

No, this wasn't a regular "on the job" kiss. This was something more, something that lit a fire beneath the unspoken tension between them.

Rae pulled away suddenly with a small gasp and looked at him with wide eyes. Theron remained still, his jaw open in shock. They stared at one another in stunned silence for a moment before Theron leaned back in, tilted her chin up, and gently kissed her once more. His free hand went around her neck to find the hidden pocket in her jacket's collar and deftly removed the datachip. He pulled back and held her gaze as he unzipped a secret pocket in his own jacket, slid the datachip inside, and rezipped it. Theron leaned his head down, pressed his forehead against hers, and shut his eyes. He tried to memorize everything about this moment: her scent, the way her hair looked while it was wild and free, the deep blue hue of her eyes that reminded him of Manaan…

"If only you weren't..." Theron murmured.

If only she weren't what? The enemy? Married? There were too many ways to finish the sentence, so he let the unfinished thought linger.

"I’m sorry," she whispered in reply.

Rae pulled away for the final time, taking the hand that had been holding her face in one of her own. He opened his eyes to see hers glistening with unshed tears.

She let go of his hand and started to pull her hair back into its usual low bun. She blinked away the tears before locking eyes with him once more.

"I know that you may decide not to deliver that," Rae said softly. "You could always destroy it or try to decrypt it. Or pass it on to the higher ups in the SIS. But I hope you don't. I hope you'll take a chance and trust me." She finished the bun and her arms fell back to her sides. "I don't know if we'll ever see each other again. But thank you. For even considering it." Her lips wobbled as they curved upward.

Theron saw her husband approaching over her shoulder and felt his cheeks heat up. He looked back down at her and nodded.

"Goodbye, Theron." 

Rae turned and said a few quick, quiet words to Vector. He looked over her shoulder at Theron, nodded, then offered her his arm. She took it right away and she leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked back toward the center of camp.

Theron watched them longer than he probably should have. He noticed the way that she took a moment to disentangle herself from her husband and to put her stoic spy facade back in place before they were in sight of the war table where Lana and Marr stood. He noticed the way her husband squeezed her hand before they approached the two Sith Lords. He noticed the way that her bun now looked slightly off-centered from the back.

Theron realized with a start that he was clutching the pocket of his jacket that held the datachip. He cringed at his own reaction to watching her be with someone she had chosen long before she knew he existed and dropped his arm. He glanced at them for a moment more.

"Goodbye, Rae."


	2. Chapter 2

Theron practically ran to his shuttle after the awkward, obligatory "good job" conversation with Satele. He tried to shield his storm of emotions from her as they said their goodbyes, but even so, it was likely that she picked up on how antsy he was to leave. Theron felt her eyes on him as he walked up the ramp.

He somehow managed to keep himself from examining the datachip until he had swept his shuttle for bugs multiple times and left the planet. Once he reached orbit, however, he realized that he wasn't even remotely sure where he was going.

Theron pulled the chip out of his pocket and plugged it into his datapad. Once he completed the initial decryption, which was rather brilliantly the same algorithm they had used with Lana on Rishi, and the destination popped up on his screen, he knew why she couldn't deliver the chip herself.

The brief message told him to take it to the lower levels of the Senate Tower on Coruscant. That alone was enough to raise his eyebrows. Very few people were even aware that there were levels to the building below the surface. Not only that, but she had also indicated a room number, with a note that the datachip's intended recipient may have changed offices. What brought Theron's quick reading to an abrupt stop was the name listed in case the office with that number now belonged to someone else.

Ardun Kothe.

Theron sharply inhaled. Rae wanted him to bring this chip to none other than the king of SIS special ops, Ardun Kothe. He hadn't met the man himself, but knew of him and his reputation. Willing to do anything to complete the goal even if that meant going outside the lines. There were rumors floating about him and the last big op he had managed. Those that knew him thought he seemed different afterward. Theron never cared much for rumors. After all, he'd heard plenty about himself over the years.

"Alright, Rae," Theron mumbled to the datachip as he entered the coordinates for Coruscant into his shuttle’s navigation system. "I'm going to trust you."

  
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Yavin-4 wasn't exactly next to Coruscant, so Theron found himself with nothing to do over the few travel days but think about the datachip and the woman to whom it belonged.   


He held it between his fingertips for what felt like the hundredth time, trying to figure out what pieces he was missing to the puzzle. How did she know Kothe? What could she possibly have to say to him? Why was she risking everything to get a message to him?

Theron plugged it back into his datapad and the initial message meant only for him reappeared. He started attempting to decrypt it further, as he had each and every time he started questioning his shuttle's current trajectory. Over the course of the trip, he had tried every method and algorithm that he could think of. Every single one failed. He was about to chuck his datapad across the shuttle when a shimmering blue holographic figure appeared. Rae. That got his attention and had him sitting up straighter in the pilot seat.

"Theron, I know that you're curious," she started. "I know that by this point, you know where the chip needs to go and you're most likely on your way there. If you're hearing this, then you've officially failed to decrypt it twenty times, which is rather impressive." The holo smirked and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"I know that you want answers, but this isn't how to get them. I have the chip programmed to self destruct if there are a certain number of failed decryptions. A fail safe, in case you decided not to trust me."

Theron wanted to be mad, but he couldn't. It was perfectly reasonable, all things considered.

"So, I would suggest not trying anymore. You may get some of the answers that you're looking for if you ask the right questions. Just some food for thought."

The prerecorded holo winked out and Theron sighed as he removed the chip and put it back in his jacket pocket. So she wanted him to ask Kothe for answers. That would be fun. Theron could imagine it now.

_ "Hey, Ardun! I know we've never spoken before, but this woman that I'm supposed to hate but may have actual feelings for asked me to give you this chip and for some reason I'm going along with it. How do you know her?" _

He rubbed his temples. Only four hours until he reached Coruscant.

  
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Theron strolled through the Senate Plaza, trying to blend in as best he could before taking the secret entrance to the lower levels of the Senate Tower. Despite all the thinking he had done on the topic, he still didn't know how he was going to have this conversation. By the time he reached the office number she had correctly included in her instructions, he only knew that he would be winging it. Theron took a deep breath and knocked on the closed door.

"Come in," a low, weary voice called from inside.

Theron opened the door and entered the room. It was a small office, about the size of his own, and sparsely decorated. No family pictures, but a few squad pictures from nights out. He remembered the outings that the SIS encouraged for "team bonding" back when they tried to turn him into a team player. Theron always spent those outings on his datapad, doing actual work.

After his quick glance around the room, Theron's eyes settled on the man sitting behind the desk. Ardun Kothe's silver hair and crow's feet were the only real indicators of his age. His dark eyes were cast down upon his datapad in concentration as Theron took another step into the room and heard the door slide shut behind him.

"Gimme a sec," Kothe said. "One more paragraph."

Theron nodded. It took him a moment to realize that his nod would go unnoticed. He opened his mouth to say something when Kothe spoke first.

"Ops reports... Same story, different planet." Kothe finally lifted his eyes from the datapad and looked surprised to see his visitor. "Shan, right? I don't think we've met."

He stood and extended a hand. Theron took the few extra steps to the man's desk and shook his outstretched hand.

"Uh, yeah. Listen, I can come back later if---"

"Nah, not a problem. Take a seat. Didn't you just get your job back?"

Theron let go of the man's hand and sunk into the synthleather chair in front of him as Kothe sat back down.

"Reinstated a few days ago," Theron confirmed. "It's, uh, a long story." He reached to scratch the back of his neck.   


_ This is so awkward _ , Theron thought to himself.  _ Why is this so awkward? _

"So, what can I do for you, Shan?" Kothe's eyes bore into his and Theron tried not to fidget. There was something about the way Kothe was looking at him that felt familiar.

"You've got good mental shielding, kid, but you look like you're sweating enough to fill the fountain at the Plaza. Talk to me."

Theron blinked a few times before it hit him.

_ Oh. OH! Kriffing Jedi. _

"You're a..." Theron started.

"Thought everyone knew by now," Kothe chuckled. "Yes. Now what brings you to my office, of all places, as soon as you're reinstated?"

Theron reached for the hidden pocket in his jacket. He carefully unzipped it and pulled out the datachip. He took a final look at it before placing it on Kothe's desk and sliding it toward him with a single finger.

"Someone asked me to get this to you."

Kothe took one look at the chip and his eyebrows furrowed. He picked it up to examine it closer, and after looking at it from all angles, a hint of a smile tugged at one corner of his lips.

_ So he knows who it's from _ , Theron thought.  _ Something about this datachip, or maybe about me personally delivering this datachip, told him it was Rae. _

Theron's gaze left the chip and shifted to one of the squad pictures he had noticed upon entering the room. Kothe was off to one side with a pretend scowl on his face. In the middle was a green female Twi'lek, grinning as she threw one arm around Kothe and the other around a droid. Three more people were in the background. Positioned directly behind Kothe was a blonde man with unnaturally green eyes. His arms were crossed and a sneer distorted his face. Next to him were a man and woman, linking arms and doing shots. The man was attempting to smile while downing the drink. The woman was entirely in profile, with closed eyes and long, dark blonde hair.

Theron leaned in closer to the picture. He knew that profile. Rae. It wasn't her hair, or her eyes most likely, but it was undoubtedly her.

He leaned back in his chair and opened his mouth to ask about the picture when he realized that Kothe had been mumbling to himself since plugging in the datachip. Theron hadn't even looked to see how Kothe decrypted the damn thing so easily.

"By the Force. By the fucking Force."

Kothe had gone pale and one hand was partially covering his mouth while the other was holding the datapad and scrolling through what seemed like endless pages.

_ What did she put on that datachip? _

"Hey, uh, Ardun?" Theron asked. "You okay?"

The older man looked up and dropped the hand in front of his mouth. He regained some of his composure, but Theron could still read the waves of shock coming off of him.

"I'm good. Better than I've been in a while, in fact."

Theron raised a brow at that and opened his mouth to ask any one of the hundred questions he had running through his mind.

_ How do you know her? _

_ When was that picture taken? _

_ What was on the datachip? _

Kothe cut him off before he could even begin.

"Thank you for this," he said as he lifted the datapad. "You have no idea how important this is."

"But what---" Theron started.

"I know you probably have a ton of questions, but now I've gotta find out when the next shuttle leaves for Hutt space... Because apparently I have to get to Nar Shaddaa..." Kothe's voice decreased in volume until it turned into unintelligible mumbling to himself as he made arrangements on the datapad. He pulled out the datachip and shook his head in disbelief as he stared at it.

"She is somethin', alright."

Theron stood up and found himself nodding in agreement, despite not even knowing what she had done. He was walking toward the door when Kothe's voice returned to normal volume.

"One question for you, Shan."

Theron turned and raised an eyebrow in response.

"Is her hair still green?"

Theron was able to hold back a laugh, but he couldn't contain the smile that pulled at the corner of his lips.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, it is."

  
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Rae stretched and yawned before joining Vector beneath the sheets of their bed aboard the  _ Phantom _ . She was reaching for the datapad on her nightstand when her husband's voice brought her to a halt.

"We know that you are worried and unsure about Agent Shan bringing the chip to Kothe, but you cannot make these things happen any faster by continuing to check for a confirmation," Vector said as he took her reaching hand in his and kissed the back of it.

Rae felt her heart swell. He always understood how she was feeling, sometimes even before she knew herself.

"I know, dear. I just..." she trailed off.

"You're afraid. There is nothing wrong with that. You have done something very difficult and put yourself at risk. Your emotions are valid."

"I haven't just put myself at risk. I've put us at risk. I don't care about me as much as I care about us."   


She felt the tears threatening to escape her eyes. Rae knew she was considered expendable to the Empire. Or maybe even a threat to it as a result of everything she had seen and uncovered, in the opinion of certain high ranking Imperials and Sith. Even more so now that she was 'the ghost', the agent that would not be tied down, and knew too much. But she wanted to protect her husband. And the rest of her crew, even though they were not privy to how she had put herself out on a limb.

"We love you," Vector said as his free hand went up to gently caress her face. "We will be by your side, no matter where this takes us. We will protect each other."

"I love you, too," Rae said as she leaned in to kiss him. Vector's calming presence helped ease her worries, at least temporarily.

He pulled away after a short moment, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Your aura speaks to more anxiety than the anticipation of receiving a notification about the datachip."

Rae grimaced.

"It's that obvious?"

"We know you as well as we know those in the Nest consciousness," Vector replied simply. "What's wrong?"

Rae fidgeted with the blanket for a moment before answering.

"I told you about my plan to get the chip to Agent Shan without drawing outside attention."

"Yes. And we told you that the plan seemed to be the most efficient way of doing so without physically handing it to him, despite your reservations about kissing him. We know that your heart is here with us."

"It is. It has been since the cave on Alderaan," Rae said as she wove their fingers together and reluctantly looked into his eyes. "But I feel guilty about going through with it anyway."

"Why?" Vector asked.

She bit her lip, unsure of the best way to verbalize her confusing thoughts.

"Because, well, I wasn't expecting to feel anything. But I did." Before he could respond, she rushed on. "Nothing compared to how I feel about you, but it was still something. And that took me entirely by surprise."

Vector was silent for a moment, considering her words.

"Did he feel something?"

"Yes. That much was obvious. I must have been oblivious to whatever he was feeling toward me." She rubbed her temple with her free hand. "I thought we were becoming friends, even if that in itself was temporary. He's lived a similar life to mine, in some respects, and we bonded over that. But I didn't detect anything else beyond that until... Until the kiss." Rae took her hand back from Vector and used both of her hands to cover her face in shame.

"We had a feeling that he felt something more," Vector replied.

"What?" Rae exclaimed after dropping her hands. She sat up and turned her entire body to face him. "You knew and told me to go through with the plan anyway? Why?"

Vector took her hand back in one of his once more, and used his free hand to push her hair away from her face.

"We knew how important it was for you to get the chip to Kothe. You had not been sleeping restfully in months; your sleeping aura had the sparks of unresolved conflict and inner struggle. That was the most efficient way for you to find peace and we will always support you finding peace... Even if it complicates things temporarily."

Rae's eyes started welling up with tears. The selflessness of the gesture overwhelmed her; she did not know a single person that would have done the same thing if they were in Vector's position and knew what he knew.

"So, you aren't angry with me?" she asked.

"Of course not," he replied as he pulled her back beneath the sheets and into an embrace. "As we said, we know that your heart is with us. We know that you love us as we love you." He kissed her forehead gently. "Now can you try to rest? We must make preparations on the planet tomorrow."

"If you insist," Rae said with a smile as she shut off the light on her nightstand and snuggled closer to Vector. He wrapped his arm around her as she laid her head on his bare chest. She fell asleep to the steady beat of his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

"Balkar Interior Refurbishments. Jonas speaking."

Theron frowned at his comm. He thought he had put in Jonas's private holofrequency, not his work one. He looked down and saw that it was, in fact, the fellow agent's private holofrequency.

"Why are you such an asshole?" he asked with a scowl, even though the call was voice-only and the scowl was fruitless if unseen.

"I was curious how long it would take you to check the outgoing number and make that charming scrunched face I know you're making. Thirteen seconds. I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed." His voice was filled with poorly concealed amusement.

Theron ignored the friendly jab.

"I need a favor."

"What, no celebration for your reinstatement? Already back to working yourself to death?" Jonas let out a long-suffering sigh. "Really, Shan, this isn't good for your health."

"It's not work---" Theron started, but was quickly cut off.

"Not work? Now you've got me intrigued." Theron could picture the growing grin on Jonas's face and tried not to groan.

"I mean, I guess it's kind of work, but kind of not. How tied up are you at the moment?"

"Things are pretty calm right now. Why?"

"I need your help with putting surveillance on a cantina. I should be arriving within the next few days." Theron knew the explanation was too brief for Jonas's taste and would invite more questions than he would want to answer, but he had no other option. Rae told him to ask Kothe for answers and Kothe didn't seem to have the time to give answers. And dammit, he wanted answers. He deserved answers.

"Which one?" Jonas asked.

"That's, ah, part of the problem. I don't know. I know it's happening on Nar Shaddaa, and I'm willing to bet it'll be at a cantina." He paused to think. "You've been there longer than any agent deserves to be, even if that agent  _ is _ you. If you wanted to meet someone to have a private conversation and not be noticed because of other things going on, where would you go?"

"Slippery Slopes," Jonas immediately replied. "I'm gonna need an explanation, though. It'll be tricky to use resources without some kind of way to cover it up."

Theron sighed heavily and gave his old friend as brief a synopsis as he could try to get away with. After he was finished, the line was silent for a solid thirty seconds and Theron had to check to make sure he hadn't been hung up on.

"Let me get this straight," Jonas started. "You want to spy on the infamous Jedi-turned-SIS agent while he meets with the infamous Cipher Nine... Because you did something incredibly stupid and delivered a datachip from an Imperial Agent with who-knows-what on it and the reaction it got from Mister Special Ops himself was enough to make you want to invade his privacy and figure out how they're connected." He paused. "And you may or may not be in love with someone who is absolutely not available for at least five reasons I can think of off the top of my head."

Theron groaned and raked his hand through his hair. He hadn't directly said the last part, but apparently his summary of the last few days made his troubled emotional state glow like a beacon.

"It sounds worse when you put it like that."

Another long pause. Theron was regretting even calling at this point. Regardless of the outcome, he'd never hear the end of it.

"You realize this is completely insane, right?"

"Can you help me or not?" Theron asked, his tone both exasperated and ashamed at once.

"You know what? I haven't done anything stupid or career-threatening with you in a while. I'm in."

"I'll holo when I'm there." He was about to hang up when Jonas spoke again.

"Hey, Shan?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

  
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Rae sat in a small booth in the back corner of the Slippery Slopes cantina for the third night in a row. She looked down into her Corellian whiskey and sighed. Patience was normally one of her strong suits, but waiting for Kothe to arrive was making her feel incredibly antsy.

She didn't even have a guarantee that he would be coming. All she had to go on was her intuition, and knowing what she knew about Kothe, everything indicated that he would have gotten on the first transport off of Coruscant; other business or responsibilities could wait. That would mean that he would be arriving either today or tomorrow, based on the timing of the notification on her datapad that the datachip had been successfully decrypted.

Rae put a finger to her earpiece and bent her head down so that her wig covered her face from any curious eyes.

"Everything is in order, yes?" she mumbled.

"As we told you twenty minutes ago, yes." Vector's voice was calm, but she could picture him rubbing his temples before managing such an even-toned response.

"I'm sorry, darling. I don't mean to keep asking. I'm just..." Rae trailed off. He knew how she was feeling, even if he wasn't physically in the cantina with her.

"We can check the security measures you installed upon arriving if that would help ease your anxiety."

She knew that he had checked at least four times, including twice this evening. What she ever did to deserve such a man, she'd never know.

"Thank you. I'm most concerned about the camera that's facing me. I did all I could to make sure audio couldn't be picked up, but a visual feed from that angle could still be catastrophic."

"We understand." He paused. "Kothe is approaching from the western entrance on the Promenade. We will quickly recheck the camera then resume comm silence and monitor all systems."

"I love you," she murmured before dropping her finger and taking a long sip of whiskey.

There was no going back now.

  
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Theron crossed his arms as he watched Jonas work. Somehow, he'd managed to clear out his safehouse before Theron had arrived and was already remotely slicing the security feeds in the cantina.

_ Good to know that Balkar actually works from time to time _ , Theron thought to himself with a smirk.

One by one, the monitors in front of them were filled with different angles of the cantina. Theron leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and his head on his linked hands. He knew better than to look for green hair; she wasn't a fool.

Jonas started grumbling to himself as one live feed kept appearing and then disappearing with a flash.

"I've got good news and bad news," Jonas said with a sigh as he pushed his hair out of his face. "Good news: we've got some visual feeds." He gestured to the monitors. "Bad news: this is as much as I can do from here. I can't get audio and that one kriffing camera..." He trailed off before zooming in on the lower right monitor's feed and pointing. "It should be right there. I can't get it, though."

Theron unlaced his fingers and looked where Jonas was indicating. The camera in question would have given them complete coverage of the back left corner of the cantina. The area was empty, save for a single person sitting alone at a booth with their back to the camera feed the two SIS agents were watching. Theron saw the long, dark blonde hair and his heart started racing.

"Well, now we know where our focus should be."

Jonas turned toward him and raised a brow.

Theron responded by pointing at the lone figure.

"Same wig as the picture in Kothe's office."

Jonas switched that camera's focus to the largest monitor in the room.

"We won't be able to see her, but we'll see him just fine. I guess that's something."

Theron nodded. Having to read the lips of one person was better than having no access at all.

Just then, Theron noticed Kothe enter the cantina on one of the other feeds. The man went straight to the bar and ordered himself a drink.

"There," Theron pointed. "You ever meet him?"

"Nope," Jonas replied. "We've all heard things, though."

Theron nodded and continued watching.

After getting his drink and leaning against the bar, Kothe subtly surveyed his surroundings. It was clear to the two agents that he was looking for her, but none of the cantina's occupants gave him a second look. A few minutes passed before he straightened and took his drink over to the table in the corner.

Jonas zoomed in as much as he could and tried to clarify the picture, but it was still a bit fuzzy. He leaned back in his chair and linked his hands behind his head.

"Wish I had some popcorn," Jonas muttered. Theron shot him a look out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey," Jonas protested. "It's not every day that we sit and watch an enemy spy instead of, you know, bringing them in."

Theron sighed. He turned back to the main monitor just as Kothe was sitting down.

_ It's good to see you, Legate. _

"Legate? Like in sabaac?" Jonas asked with an arched brow.

Theron shrugged as he made a note in his datapad.

_ What should I call you, then? _

A pause. Kothe nodded.

_ Can't blame you. It doesn't exactly bring back the best memories, does it? We'll come up with another one. If you want one, that is. _

Kothe took a sip of his drink.

_ I wasn't expecting to ever hear from you again. Or see you. _

Kothe chuckled.

_ Have to say, now that I've seen both... I think the green suits you better. _

He chuckled again.

_ It's a statement, that's for sure. _

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly.

_ Rest of the team is fine. Saber kept asking me about Corellia for a while after. She gave up once she saw I wouldn't budge. Chance isn't in the field anymore. He got pretty shaken up by all that. Think he may still have a thing for you. Wheel is, well, Wheel. _

Theron added Saber, Chance, and Wheel to his list of things to investigate later as he watched Kothe's eyebrows draw together at her response.

_ No, I never told them anything. Didn't tell anyone. _

A brief pause while Kothe contemplated whatever she had said.

_ Don't really know, to be honest with you. I could turn it around and ask why you didn't kill me on Quesh when we both know you should have. But your letter answered that as best it could. _

Kothe took a quick sip of his drink.

_ About what else was on that datachip... What changed your mind? _

Theron leaned in the slightest bit closer to the monitor, as if that could somehow answer the question that had been haunting him since he first put the datachip in his jacket pocket on Yavin-4.

Kothe furrowed his brows in concern immediately and reached out one of his hands to take hers, which were out of view. He listened intently for several minutes, nodding every so often. For the first time since the conversation began, Theron felt like he was intruding on a personal moment he shouldn't be watching. Despite how uncomfortable it made him to watch half of this exchange, he couldn't tear his eyes from the screen.

_ By the stars. Rae, you have to believe me when I say I had no idea how he was abusing it. I had no idea what he did to you or that you'd talked to him on Corellia after I let you go. _

"That her real name? Rae?" Jonas asked. It was the first time either of them had spoken in at least twenty minutes.

"Yeah," Theron replied. "She hated being called Agent or Cipher, so she told me to call her Rae. I got the feeling it was a nickname, though. For what, I don't know."

Kothe was again listening keenly. Theron belatedly noticed that Kothe had retracted his hand at some point and had resumed taking small sips of his drink every once in a while.

_ So seeing it happen to someone else and not being able to do anything is what tipped you over the edge. Or, at least, something that contributed. _

Kothe tilted his head at her response.

_ I never got the sense that you were necessarily happy about your situation. You said as much in the letter... About ending up in a role you never wanted in the first place. Seemed like you were trying to do the best you could, all things considered, to minimize unnecessary damage and casualties... To follow what you felt was right. Even though we didn't really make it easy on you. _

Kothe closed his eyes and massaged his temple as his posture slumped ever so slightly. His eyes looked tired when he reopened them.

_ You have no idea how much that still weighs on me. Doing what I did, taking advantage of a switch that I didn't put in there and didn't agree with. All because I was afraid. He latched onto that fear and reminded me it was there and the threat you posed, and I let him manipulate me. _

Kothe looked on the verge of being overwhelmed with emotion.

_ I'm more sorry than I'll ever be able to explain. I did you wrong, and yet, you somehow let it go... You somehow forgave unforgivable things. And you gave me that list. _

Kothe shook his head in disbelief.

_ And that's not even half of the total, right? _

Kothe looked to her for a response and then appeared to whistle in awe.

_ I don't think I want to know just how many were involved all together. I'm just glad that you put an end to it before it was too late. _

Kothe raised both eyebrows for a moment at her reply before quickly nodding.

_ No, I get it. If you gave me the whole thing, it'd be even more dangerous for you. Don't wanna add any more to your plate. I'm just grateful to have a second chance to do right by you. _

Kothe nodded again.

_ I agree. Shouldn't bring extra people into the fold when we don't really even know how to approach it. How do you put people on trial when you don't have enough concrete evidence that they were part of a galactic conspiracy? I imagine you don't wanna expose more from the codex than necessary, right? _

Theron's mind was swimming as he read the words coming out of Kothe's mouth and attempted to add to the notes he was taking on his datapad. There was so much to process and so many details hinted at, but not talked about in direct enough terms to find anything of substance through research on his own. Sure, he had a few code names. And a mention of some galactic conspiracy and a codex. And a reference to some man that had manipulated both Rae and Kothe at some point. But that was it.

Kothe's head bobbed again.

_ I figured as much. It'd only lead to more questions. _

Kothe took another sip of his drink.

_ Does your crew know you're doing this? _

One side of his mouth quirked up at her response.

_ I figured he knew. I could tell there was something more there with Vector. Can't imagine the others, at least, the ones I met, being happy about you even discussing any of this with me. Especially the two with strong ties to the Empire. _

"Vector?" Jonas asked.

"Her husband," Theron replied simply as his eyes remained on the screen. It took an embarrassing amount of effort to try to keep his tone even. He couldn't deny that he was jealous of the man, despite knowing almost nothing about him outside of his status as a Killik joiner. A bit of tedious, private research during the trip from Rishi to Yavin told Theron that the man previously worked for the Imperial Diplomatic Service, but not much else.

"I don't know if I've ever seen you jealous before, Shan. It's not a great look," Jonas quipped with a smirk.

Theron ignored him as he watched Kothe furrow his brows.

_ Shan? No, I didn't tell him anything. Kid was about to burst, between the anxiety and the number of questions he had. _

Jonas looked over at Theron and smirked again.

"See, this is why you shouldn't do stupid things..."

"Shut up, Balkar," Theron said through clenched teeth.

Kothe sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_ I know what you added to the end of the letter. But you didn't exactly give me much time to make preparations and get here within the time frame. I figured I could find him after and answer questions then. Not all of 'em, but enough. _

Kothe put a palm to his face and appeared to groan before scanning the room, settling his gaze on one of the cameras Jonas had successfully sliced, and talking directly to the camera. Theron paled.

_ Theron, I'm sorry he didn't give you any of the answers you wanted in person, even though I specifically asked him to do so. _

Kothe barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes at what he was being told to convey.

_ I can't tell you what was on the datachip. I think there are at least a few questions that he can answer, but that isn't one of them. Not right now, anyway. I would like to add that I am rather amused by the attempts to override the various measures I put in place, in case Ardun here still had the habit of mumbling private details to himself while in the company of people who don't need to know said details, or if he had the absurd inclination to try to ambush me. _

Kothe did roll his eyes this time and shot a frustrated look at his companion across the table. Theron could only imagine the withering look she was giving him in response.

_ Tell your friend Jonas I said hello and thank him for being a mediocre slicer, at best. Personally, I think you may have had a chance of cracking the one camera you aren't getting footage from right now, but I suppose some men don't want to risk damage to their precious egos by asking for help. I've heard he's incredibly charming, though, so at least he has that going for him. _

Theron snorted and glanced at Jonas for a moment. The other man was leaning forward in his chair, no longer relaxed and enjoying Theron's embarrassment, but slack-jawed and stuck between appearing offended and impressed.

"Damn, she's good," Jonas muttered as he raked his hand through his hair. "I was sure that my modifications couldn't be traced."

"She's something, alright," Theron replied with a small smile as he looked at her back.

Kothe turned his head back toward his companion and crossed his arms.

_ Alright, you've had your fun. _

Kothe chuckled at her response.

_ So we'll work out the details moving forward, then? _

Kothe narrowed his eyes.

_ Yes, that's what I meant. When we aren't being watched. You know I didn't mean for it to slip that I'd be meeting you here. _

Kothe relaxed.

_ I think all agents are too curious for their own good. Part of the job. _

Kothe was about to say something else when he closed his mouth and pulled out his comm. A gloved hand could be seen taking it and doing something with it out of view before sliding it back across the table.

_ We'll be in touch. _

A pause as a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

_ It really is good to see you again. I'm glad we could come to an agreement. _

Kothe stood and reached out a hand. Rae took it and stood. The back of her figure was still all that was visible to the pair watching from Balkar Interior Refurbishments. She firmly shook his hand before he walked toward the entrance he came in.

Theron continued watching her. She wasn't moving to leave, instead lingering with her back to the camera. One arm went up to where her ear was hidden by the long wig and as she started to turn toward the camera, all of the visual feeds cut out at once.

Theron and Jonas stared at the black monitors for a few moments, each contemplating what they had watched.

"Well, you and Kothe are going to have a fascinating conversation, whenever you two meet up again," Jonas cracked after disconnecting all of the monitors from the cantina’s live feed.

Theron groaned.

"I've gotta say, though... I like her," Jonas added. "For an Imp."

"Join the club," Theron muttered.

That elicited a loud laugh and a slap on the back.

"Come on, Shan," Jonas said as he threw an arm around Theron's shoulder and ushered him toward the building's exit. "You need a drink. I'll even buy the first round."


	4. Epilogue - The Letter

Ardun,

Back on Quesh, you asked me why I wasn't going to kill you. I didn't have a concrete reason at the time, so I fed you some line about all of us not being defined by the despicable things we've had to do and how we shouldn't have to die for them. You accepted it without question, though I'm fairly certain you knew that I hadn't quite figured out why I was disobeying the orders I was given.

You returned the favor on Corellia, ultimately allowing me to continue working to neutralize a much larger threat to the galaxy. I'm still not sure if that was simply courtesy or your attempt to trust the person you had gotten to know through my work and my decisions during the time we worked together. (That is, the time during which I was in control of my actions.)

We met one final time at the Star Cabal headquarters, but there were no favors owed. And yet, I couldn't determine your intentions and I didn't have time to sit and mull it all over. So I kept the Black Codex and shielded myself from being used or taken advantage of by yet another person I wanted to trust.

You need to understand that I don't regret not giving you the Codex. I was able to erase myself from the records, to finally escape the life that I never wanted to find some semblance of peace and stability. I was a skilled chemist from a young age, recruited as a teenager to do work for Biotic Sciences and later Imperial Intelligence. I was never told what my work was being used for by the Empire, despite frequent inquiries. Years went by and I caught the eye of multiple higher ranking agents, who somehow turned me into a field agent. Truthfully, those details are rather hazy to me. I suppose that's for the best.

Since we last spoke, I've been fixated on determining what was real and what wasn't about my time as part of your team. Yes, you did use that Force damned code word. And by the stars, I wanted to stab you in the throat every time. However, you also apologized for using it and you made it clear that you were trying to protect your people from someone whose intentions you couldn't quite pin down. (I can't fault you for that, as much as I'd like to.) Yes, you were content to leave me to die on Quesh just to acquire the Shadow Arsenal. However, I think it's fair to say that all the pieces on the board were being manipulated by the Star Cabal in some way and my gut has always told me that it was Hunter whispering in your ear.

It's all rather complicated and evokes a variety of emotional responses in me, to say the least, but after breaking it down to the tiniest fragments I can manage, I've come to this conclusion: you're a good man with good intentions who was used and manipulated and was rather hung up on defeating the perceived evil by any means necessary, morals and values be damned. You told me during our last meeting that you were a better man because of me, and I'd like to think that you've reconsidered the "morals and values be damned" portion of your outlook as a result of my influence. Maybe that's just naive, wishful thinking.

Recent events have reminded me that though I had a home in Imperial Intelligence, the Sith will stop at nothing to assert their dominance and will not hesitate to sacrifice those beneath them. I've already been too wordy, so I'll cut to the point: attached to this message is a list of Republic members of the Star Cabal and their most recent known locations. (Not all of the Republic members, just enough to get your attention. Don't throw a party just yet.) Consider it a peace offering of sorts. I want to put the past behind us and fight for a cause that we both believe in.

If you are amenable to discussing this further, I will be on Nar Shaddaa for the next week. Come alone to the Slippery Slopes cantina at 1800 hours. I believe you'll recognize my wig.

As a final aside that shouldn't need to be said, but will be said anyway: you know better than to try to ambush me. After all, is that a polite response to someone who's given you such a kind gift?

Legate

P.S. Do be kind to the agent that I've used as a courier. I have no doubt that he has plenty of questions after the instructions I left for him, and I feel rather guilty that there wasn't a time or place or way to explain anything. Answer some of his questions. I would appreciate it.


End file.
